How does a single father get help?
Single Fathers - An Endangered Species?
Text: C.D. / Last update: January 16, 2021
Are you kidding me? Are you serious when you say that! Single fathers are the fastest growing form of family in Germany. And yet: only 13% of all single parents are men. With increasing divorce and separation rates, however, the trend is moving in the direction of the 20% mark. In two thirds of all cases, the fathers even have more than one child in the father's family. As before, the motto in many family courts is that no one can look after a child better than a mother. There must be good reasons from Youth Welfare Office and presented to the family court so that they judge the mother as "not able to bring up". As a result, many fathers have lost faith in the justice of the courts and feel discriminated against as fathers.
Help, I am a single father!
It is hardly an art to manage one's life on one's own. It gets serious when fathers and mothers have to take responsibility for other people as well as for themselves. And fathers in particular often suddenly find themselves in the role of single parents, while mothers think about this step for a long time and carefully weigh up the pros and cons. Mostly it is the fathers who are abandoned by their wives and presented with a fait accompli. A shock! How am I supposed to do it all? Bringing work, household and children under one roof. Completely irrational fears are spreading. How do I manage the time pressure? What do the neighbors think? But sometimes the fears are justified. Children are not necessarily useful for a professional career. The risk of losing one's job increases, as does the chance of finding a new one. The compatibility of work and family is not only a challenge for women, but also for men. The fathers continue to fear that they will not find a new life partner. Although women in particular are looking for responsible men. After all, adventures are for one night. Down-to-earth men, something for life. (Tips for abandoned men)
The so-called father families are represented in all social classes. There is no differentiation between earning potential, social origin or level of education. Single fathers can be found everywhere. And yet they are still perceived by society as exotic, if you even recognize them in everyday life. Neighbors in particular and even their own parents are skeptical of the matter. Can one man take care of three children? Traditionally, the tasks of the children's social network and also of the household tend to fall back on the children's mothers. Discussions with the educators in the day care center, meetings on the playground, the sports club or school events.
Suddenly a single father - this is how you cope with everyday life
It is particularly difficult for fathers in the immediate period after the separation and the standing before a fait accompli. They have to find their own rhythm, structure the day and record all the tasks that they will have to manage on their own in the future. It can get chaotic, especially during this transition period. That's fine. Ultimately, the preference lies with the children. They are the most important thing, not the perfectly sorted laundry or the meticulously cleaned children's room. In the first time alone with dad, the children simply need love, understanding and stability. There is no doubt that things must not get completely out of hand. But surprisingly, single fathers voluntarily accept help from outside, which is offered to them in particular by women, also from their own families and friends.
(Also read our article on child support)
It is often not easy for single fathers!
Being a single father is a very exhausting job. It can quickly happen that the battery is empty and everything just saps its strength. Even the fathers must not forget themselves with their new life situation and all the responsibility, even if it is not easy. Everyone needs time for themselves, even if only a little - even a single father. So you shouldn't feel guilty about pursuing a hobby, rediscovering old friends or making new ones. How and whether the children are involved naturally depends entirely on the wishes and needs of the fathers.
To be a single father can mean developing completely unimagined abilities and being shown new possibilities. The time and personal bond that you gain with your children as a single father are irreplaceable and priceless.
But it doesn't mean having to stay alone. After all, single parents only mean that only the mother of the child does not live in the household, but not that you cannot find a new partner. (More on the subject Patchwork family)
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